Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
