Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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