hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
