i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
