I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
