i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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