Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
