So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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