I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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