sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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