Can i not drive my cunt home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
its liver damage thursday
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
