He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
