ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
