remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
