I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
