I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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