Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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