Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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