Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
