he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
