You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
