I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
