my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
