One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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