grandma shit on top of the toilet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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