I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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