I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
