3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
