I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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