I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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