Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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