so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
