I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
