so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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