I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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