I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize
