singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
