I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
