I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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