If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
