There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Life is so much better after having sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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