$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
