Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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