we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
