The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
