now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
