Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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