You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
