got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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