Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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