i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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