I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
