i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
