Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
