About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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