Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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